Crowd Cheers As Very Basic Heckler Ejected From Stands

Very loud and middling-at-best Ultimate player Eric Nobson was ejected from the grand final of a tournament last weekend, after players, punters and officials grew tired of his extremely basic heckling. His dismissal from the stands brought about a number of jeers and taunts that Mr Nobson lacked the wit to retaliate against. 

The ejection was conducted by tournament director Sharon Pinto, a good-natured and experienced member of the Ultimate Community who refused to allow further desecration of the once sacred art of heckling.

“We warned him if he yelled ‘NOT A PULLER!’ one more time, he’d have to leave,” Pinto recounted with a slow shake of her head. 

“These kids nowadays think a heckle is just loudly yelling ‘THROW A HAMMER!’ if the stall count gets higher than two. There’s more to it than that,” said Pinto, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“A heckle should penetrate a player’s deepest insecurity, it should make them question not just their playing ability but their value to society. It should force players from the field with its savagery and wit.” 

“I knew a player who became so enraged at one particular heckler, that he attempted to jumping tea-bag the offender at speed. Understandably, the heckler moved out of the way and the player in question ended up breaking his ankle on some bags behind, he was in crutches for months.” Pinto chuckled, slapping her knee, “I think he’s doing lawn bowls now - but only at night, in the dark, when there’s no danger of a crowd.”