NZMUC 2017 Preview:
Australia u24 Mixed 'Bluebottles'
Get your sting-goes and long rashies ready, the Bluebottles are coming to New Zealand!
Australia u24 Mixed 'Bluebottles'
Give us a short history of your team
Ours is the third iteration of the Australian U24 Mixed ‘Bluebottles’ franchise, preparing to compete at the WU24 Championships in January. We’re trevullung across thu dutch (accents seem more offensive in writing) to gain some southern hemisphere tournament experience and laugh with you about the minute differences between our two countries. The fact that you call eskies chilly bins, the final standings of the 2015 One Day World Cup, our claim to Phar Lap, that kind of thing. We, the Bluebottles, pride ourselves on an inclusive, high-octane and fun brand of ultimate. We are from five states and one territory and we unapologetically support the push to make Darryl Braithwaite’s ‘The Horses’ our national anthem.
Australians constantly ask each other “Like actually what is a Kiwi though?”, so it stands to reason that you New Zealanders may want to know more about the interesting creature our team is named after. A Bluebottle is a small, stinging jellyfish designed by God to ruin your day at the beach. They’re unpleasant, brainless blobs, they have no commanding physical attributes and possess no abilities that are sought after in elite mixed ultimate. They do, however, have a nice sounding name. Plus all our good native fauna was already taken by other sports.
If you're a returning team, who's in and who's out from last years (or previous years) side?
We’ve got no returning playing Bluebottles on the team, but our coaches Max and Anson are going back2back (back2back2back for Maxi, “Oh yeah!”). The boys were part of the coaching team that won silver at the 2015 WU24 championships, we’re very proud of them. Their couple name is Ansax Chulden.
What are your goals for the tournament?
We’re hoping to get some W’s under our respective belts in the lead up to Worlds, and also have a good time in your lovely country. Do you have dance floors in New Zealand? We’ll probably have a red-hot crack at them if you do. Many of our players enjoy a boog, often without shirts or inhibition. Other goals include: Getting #markweehasdoneitagain to go viral, popularising scorpion yoga, striking fear into the hearts of our opponents and seeing if Dennis Tran can be the fastest man in Australian AND New Zealand Ultimate for the 2017 Calendar year.
How would you sum up your team in 3 words?
Either “Integrity, Grit, Heart” or “Every time we touch” which is technically four words but you say them really fast (142 BPM).
Who should we be looking out for?
Well everyone on our team is an Australia rep, so there’s 22 players you should be looking out for. We should probably warn you in advance about Abbie, though. She’s an absolute menace on the field, like really unstoppable, but she’s terrible at word-based charade-style games. Also she only hits about 30% of the lyrics of any song she’s singing at full volume. It’s hard to look past Rob “Sky Whale” DeHollander as well, literally, the dude’s a unit. He and his training partner lil’ Robbie smash the Yamba gym like no one’s business, he’s the man of steel with the heart of gold and the musical tastes of 1990’s regional pub. Who else do we need to warn you about? Dizzy is a four-time Aus rep, Robbo has graduated from the “Seb Barr School of Smiling a Lot on the Field”, with honours, and Gemma Coleman can castrate a cow so don’t foul her. We’ve got some exciting people from the most boring capital city in the world, an Adeladian powerhouse called Narelle, and a guy called Mark Wee who is constantly #doingitagain. Also if you hear a big, loud Australian boy flexing and yelling unintelligibly before a pull, that’s Deller, he’s harmless. Unless he’s matching up on you, then you’ve got a real problem.
Who are you most looking forward to playing?
We are pretty hyped about the Saturday night showcase game against the New Zealand U24 Mixed team. Not only will it be a great chance to match up against another international team, but also we’re very vain and looking forward to playing in front of a crowd. Please go against your instincts (and national identity) and cheer for us.
What do you think of the 'endzone decides' rules?
We’re all big fans of the endzone decide rule. We’ve got strong boys and strong girls, so it’s nice to have the choice to play either, but that’s not why we like it. We do this really fun thing where we all go “oooooooooh” and then clap at the same time and signal what gender we’re doing. It’s a good time. We’re massive supporters of all kinds of equality at the Bluebottles, but the clapping thing, that’s where it’s at.
In the event of a zombie apocalypse, which team do you think would be the first to go, and why? And who would you team up with?
We’re not from your country and we know very few of you, so we’re going to have to make some real snap judgements based on team names. The “Old Boys Sports Club” don’t sound young or agile enough to evade the first wave of zombies, so they’ll likely be first to go - apologies if your name is ironic. Sharknado on the other hand sound lit and well equipped to tackle an unprecedented global catastrophe, so we’d like to team up with them. We can wait out the zombie apocalypse while watching the Sharknado films, especially the third movie which was called ‘Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!’. That’s the actual title. What a franchise.