Halibut 2019: good morning yeet me through the fish tube

Many people have asked me what the motivation for starting InsideOut was. Was it to help connect and push the community forward? Share knowledge? Tell amazing stories? Stoke my own ego?


No. This whole project was essentially just a very time-consuming and expensive (pls donate) way to POST A 2019 HALIBUT PREVIEW!


First, if you're not familiar with the reference in the title, please google "Fish Tube" and also know that Halibut is a type of fish.


This is the new 30-50 feral hogs

Now, a quick and handy guide to Halibut. Like a warehouse rave in the outer suburbs of Sydney after 1am, Halibut is the only place left where you can still have fun playing frisbee. That is, without freezing your ass off (Bathurst Stampede), accruing a HECS debt the size of a luxury sports car (Uni Games) or traveling to Melbourne (# makeMelbourneHatgreatagain).


It’s one of Australia’s longest running tournaments and still partying hard like the 22-year old it is. If you do nothing else today, please treat yourself to watching this footage of Halibut 2002 with the sound on. And stay tuned for my upcoming 2000-word opus Every Single Thing I Thought About Watching Footage of Halibut 2002.


Despite this long history, somehow Halibut seems to remain the best-kept secret in Australian Ultimate. I seriously don’t know how. It is forecast to be 27 degrees and sunny in Brisbane on Saturday. In August. What the hell? (It’s not too late to get flights btw).


Also, there will be an INFLATABLE JUMPING CASTLE/SLIP’N’SLIDE! An actual fish tube people. The year is 2019 and I am delighted to be living in it.


Anyway, enough background, let’s talk teams. In ARRRRGGHHHphabetical order (oh did I mention there’s a pirate theme this year?), here they are:


Bubble Trouble

I didn’t like Crazy Rich Asians. I get it, I’m probably a racist. But I definitely recognised that the movie is an important step forward in representing a broad swathe of the population that has been left out of mass-produced culture (read: white male) for a long time. Like Despacito or gay marriage, it's nice for minorities to have their own versions of the generic bullshit that white people have enjoyed for centuries.


Hi, I'm the non-threatening gay best friend from every rom-com, do you need a hand advancing the plot or providing comic relief?

Anyway, apart from insulting billions of people in the last paragraph, I’m delighted that trail-blazing Asian teams like Yellow Fever have paved the way for a new generation of Asian-themed teams that form part of the big happy family that is Halibut. Bubble Trouble have objectively the best pun of any team at this VERY PUN HEAVY tournament. There’s sibling rivalry in the form of Daisy Wang vs Rosa Wang (playing on the aforementioned Yellow Fever) and could be more if my esteemed co-editor Mark ever wanted to come up to take on his little bro David. And if nothing else, I trust a team with Don Do to look good, play good. I hope they do well.


BUD (Byron Ultimate Disc)

Halibut, in many ways, is about leaning into stereotypes in a safe space, where you can just be yourself. This is a team from Byron. Called Bud. They have a guy called Chicken on their team. Did I mention I love Halibut?


DMD

An Urban Dictionary search for DMD reveals a charming Filipino phrase turned acronym meaning “I can’t take it anymore” and also a non-charming English phrase meaning “dick me down.” The only thing I learned about DMD is that I should never look at Urban Dictionary.


This team is a collection of absolutely lovely people from Brisbane (also the subtitle of Halibut). Most importantly, they have a player called Amy Spyker so I’m expecting some great end zone celebrations from this team.


Dream Team Pyramid Scheme 2019

Like a friend from high school who contacts you out of the blue about an exciting new business opportunity, the Dream Team is back for 2019 whether you like it or not.


It's a trapezoid

Having lost a few star players to North America (Viv Yuen, Zev Permack, Timocles Copland) the team has taken an aggressive recruiting strategy of asking three friends to play each. If each of these players just asks three more friends, this team is expected to make up the entire playing base of Halibut in just 4 years. So stay tuned for the 2023 write-up.


As the three-time defending champions, this team has a huge target on their backs. But this target is nothing compared to their sales targets, which are astronomical, so please give these poor souls a small amount of your time at Halibut and you too could be earning $$$ from home before you know it.


---

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying this article, please consider making a small donation to InsideOut Ultimate. A $5 or $10 once-off donation would go a long way to making it financially sustainable for us to keep publishing quality content like this.


Donate at https://liberapay.com/IOUltimate/donate

---


Gold Coast Ultimate

My very first Halibut was on the Gold Coast in the shadow of the mighty Metricon Stadium in Carrara. I stayed in a waterside mansion, the party was right in the middle of Surfers, and there were literally kegs, full of the most amazing ginger beer I’ve ever had, on the sidelines at the end of both days. If this Gold Coast team can bring just a sliver of that magic to this tournament, I will be eternally grateful.


Guck’s Ducks

After an incredibly wise team-renaming (let’s just say the word they rhymed with “Guck’s” previously had a bit of an MRA vibe), the mighty Ducks are here to fly the flag of U24 Ultimate at Halibut. While many of these players have graduated for the U24s division, I will perennially view them as under U24, in the same way that a decent group of Ultimate players still confuse me with a man called Tiger Webb who last played frisbee in 2012.


I just don't see the resemblance...

These players are obviously good and, what’s worse, getting better. The best strategy against them will be a time-honoured tradition, used by wily veterans since time immemorial – buy them drinks at the party and then pray that they are old enough to get hangovers.


Inconceivable!

With a team name drawn directly from the Buzzfeed article “19 Movie Quotes That Only 80s Kids Will Understand”, tournament director Jack Lilwall returns with his patented interstate team, guaranteed to make the Top 4.


Now call me a black pot, but this kettle team is stacked. Celebrity power couples like the Stoddards and the Fillips (Philinks?). Hired guns flown in from New Zealand and Japan. Dan Gladish. This team has it all. Will they win? It’s not…


Lounge Lizards

In the absence of an official Extinction team, Lounge Lizards will be the standard-bearers for Brisbane mixed club Ultimate at the tourney. And Halibut is all the better for it.


More importantly, this team has both Dusty and the tournament DJ on it so from my

perspective, they’ve already won. Congratulations, you can collect your medals on the dancefloor.


Nat’s a Paddlin’

Simpsons reference. Tick. Pun based on someone on the team's name. Tick. This:



This is peak Halibut folks, bravo.


Never Say Old

Having never aged and certainly not having any existential crises about turning 29 literally at this tournament, I really don’t “get” this team, y’know. But if there’s one perennial truth of Halibut, it’s that experience counts for something.


While the youthful teams huck it as though a backwards pass is a turnover, being able to actually pass it consistently between your players turns out to be a very good strategy. And knowing when to say no to that fifth Jagerbomb can be the difference between stepping on the field for the first point on Sunday and waking up in bed DURING your first point on Sunday (based on a true story).


And honestly, George Salisbury was better than me at Ultimate when we first played together almost 10 years ago and nothing has changed, so long live the “old” team.


QUEENS

YASSSS QUEENS YAAAASSSS *clicks fingers wildly while Voguing*


Sissy that walk

SOYPÜD

Newwww challenger! Sydney’s latest mixed team SOYPÜD will be contesting Halibut in their first (maybe?) outing as a squad.


I could talk about how amazing their girls are, which they are.


I could talk about how many couples are on the team and the strength of their connections both inter and intra-gender.


But mostly I would just like to point out how their males are a BUNCH OF ABSOLUTE TRUCKS in Paul Denyer, Rory Connell, Sean OMahony, Ben Powley, Tony Castrignano. And then they also have Mark Wee. What fun.


An actual picture of SOYPUD

The Frizzley Bears

Hi The Frizzley Bears!


You probably don’t know me, my name’s Max. Thanks so much for reading this far into the Halibut preview (or at least scrolling to the bottom to read what I said about you).


Just wanted to introduce myself and quickly say hi. Love the name, think it’s really fun. I also use that gif of the grizzly bear waving all the time so I feel a light spiritual connection.


Anyway, looking forward to seeing you out there in Brisbane, wish you the best of luck.


Cheers,

Max


Townsvillains

Does anyone else feel like Townsville is having a moment? So many great players coming out of North Queensland at the moment, from AFDA Male Player of the Year 2017 in perpetuity Rob De Hollander to the fastest man on sand Scott Perry, it just feels like the right time for a deep run for these villains.


Much in the same way that Walugi continues to be snubbed by Nintendo, Townsville doesn’t always get the credit they deserve. But surely it’s just a matter of time.


Yellow Fever

Yankees vs the Red Sox. All Blacks vs Wallabies. Maggie vs that baby with the one eyebrow. To that list of great rivalries, add Yellow Fever vs the Dream Team.


For the past five years, this team has been leaning into a full “you can’t say it but we can” celebration/exploitation of every element of Asian culture they can lay claim to (which is a lot). This comes with its upsides and downsides (I probably sculled more cooking sauces a few years ago than I’ve ever actually used while cooking).


Now, some unkind writers might point out the fact that they have TWO non-Asian players this year, completely breaking their own “one token white guy” rule, and hence have completely undermined all moral authority they had built up over the past 5 years. These writers might say, win or lose, they’ve compromised their principles and turned their back on their team values. And that this constitutes something worse than simply winning or losing.


But I would never suggest anything like that…


--


SO! Who will win?


Honestly, anyone who goes down the fish tube is a winner in my eyes.


See you in Queensland!


---


You made it to the end! If you enjoyed this article, please consider making a small donation to InsideOut Ultimate. It costs us about $800 annually to run so a $5 or $10 once-off donation would go a long way to making it financially sustainable for us to keep publishing quality content like this.


Donate at https://liberapay.com/IOUltimate/donate