Jeremy Twix, a notorious travel caller in low stakes league games, was overcome with a sense of euphoric self-righteousness last night after failing to grasp the key concepts of a contentious article about spirit. Twix shared the post, accompanied by the comment, “VINDICATED, CHUMPS!” and is currently riding the high of two likes and one ‘wow’ react.
Reporters at Twix’s inner-city lunchtime pick up league described today's game as, “deeply confronting”. Having completely misinterpreted the essence of the article, Twix committed a number of heinous fouls, often on players who had already caught the disc. He cited his “competitive drive” as a reason for not apologising or taking a sub.
“I’m just doing me,” he said. “You can’t deny my right to make a play on the disc, even if it’s in your hands.”
He also refused to high five anyone, and instead offered his hand then quickly pulled it away yelling “NOT! Haha”.
“I don’t want to high five you, I want to absolutely crush your soul you piece of human garbage,” he added, often to his own teammates.
His behaviour during the spirit circle was described as “highly erratic”. Twix’s most notable contribution was loudly asking, “Can we just talk about the GAME already?” before the opposing captain had even begun speaking. “I don’t want to talk about my feelings and neither should you if you want to win.”
When asked whether he had actually read the article he was continually misquoting, Twix claimed to have “read a summary on Reddit” and liked “the bit about fouling the mentally weak”.
He was last seen walking away from the field, mumbling something about giving them a 7.
Don’t be like Jeremy - actually read Sarah Gardner (nee Crossie)’s article.