Local bar owner immediately regrets hosting social tournament party

A bar owner in Melbourne’s Inner City has today realised that he made a horrible mistake by hosting an Ultimate Frisbee party for over 200 players at his licensed venue.

Owner of the Barrow & Bottle Tavern, Darren Mills, says he had been surprised when approached by a large group for Ultimate Frisbee party but had thought nothing of it at the time.

He began seeing the error of his ways when the first few party goers started to arrive. “I knew the theme was Tropical, but I sensed I was in for a busy night when the first few guys and girls turned up dressed only in pineapple skins,” he says.

Alarm bells continued to ring for Mills as more patrons arrived in increasingly inappropriate and downright ridiculous costumes, including inflatable pool toys, actual palm fronds that looked like they had been freshly harvested from nearby parks, and “a guy who was just covered in glitter and nothing else, which I don’t really get as tropical”. Mills says he is unlikely to ever fully get rid of the sand and glitter from the decades old carpet in his conference room, which quickly became a makeshift dancefloor. “By the time the guys in denim short shorts and cut up Hawaiian shirts arrived, I actually thought they were dressed pretty conservatively,” he said.

Things continued to spiral out of control for Mills, who had been promised that the group would put plenty of money over the bar, but clearly did not read the understatement in the tournament director's voice. “I tried to explain to him that we would be a well-behaved but rowdy group, but I didn’t want to talk it up too much in case he turned us down,” said tournament director Jenny Sullivan. “In the end, I think I said something like ‘we don’t mind a few drinks’, which in hindsight was probably underselling it a bit.”

Mills estimates that he ran out of Jaegermeister within 30 minutes and a drink special entitled “Pure Passion” was so popular that the vodka/pineapple concoction was eventually just replaced by goon and breakfast juice sold for $4 in plastic cups. Mills had put two extra bar staff on for the night but unprecedented demand and the constant shouting and spilling of drinks led to wait times of over 15 minutes for some patrons.

“Not that they cared,” added Mills. “I’m pretty sure someone had three Little Fat Lamb bottles taped to their stomach but I couldn’t leave the bar for long enough to properly investigate.”

Despite the complete chaos and destruction wrought by the group, Mills said he would probably host the party again next year if asked. “Hey Baby by DJ Otzi is actually my favourite song. I proposed to my wife with that song playing in the background and we walked down to the aisle to it last year. So the stirring, 40 minute acapella rendition under all the house lights at the end of the evening was a touching moment for me. Brought a tear to my eye.”