Ridiculously overdressed rookie Tyler Maddox has suffered a minor bout of heat stroke at his first tournament for 2018.
During a 35 degree midday game Maddox, reportedly desperate to set himself apart from the other ‘drab sheeple’ on the field, was wearing full length skins, two bucket hats, purple leg warmers and his brother’s ski goggles. Unsatisfied with the usual schtick of a ‘signature hat or out-there cleats’, Maddox’s latest outfit was the culmination of months of escalating sartorial experimentation.
“I’ve tried every fraction of skin length for legs and arms. No skins, half skins, ¾ length, full length, none of it stuck,” Maddox told InsideOut. “I even made my own 7/8th tights with a tape measure and craft knife. Mum wasn’t too happy with that one.”
With a firm belief etched into his heart that you need to ‘look good to play good’, Maddox has dedicated a lot of time/money in building his brand around being recognisable from long distances. He still isn’t very good at frisbee, though.
Other iconic items he’s tried to ‘make a thing’ are: multi-coloured sweatbands, knitted vests, capes, neckerchiefs, novelty hats with attached wigs, trackpants in hot conditions, blow up floaties, face and body paints, finger-only gloves, eye-masks, chokers and a particularly fetching cumberbund.
Maddox is apologetic for any distress he caused but is already chasing his next signature look. “I agree that the leg warmers were overkill,” he says. “I think I’ll try shin pads and a hockey mask next for a more aerodynamic serial killer look. Oh, and I might borrow my sister’s equestrian helmet the next time she isn't using it.”