Young rising star of the Ultimate community, James Stanley* has experienced a spectacular fall from grace this weekend after he dropped a plastic plate tossed to him at a large family gathering.
The young teen, who still lives at home, is the only Ultimate player in his extended family and the gathered group were quick to criticise his drop.
Calls of “Clap your hands like a crocodile mate!” and “Not enough wrist snap on that one, aye Jamsey?!”, were quickly heard from his older cousins as the plate ricocheted off his hands, landing facedown in a large bowl of hummus. The insults were harsh references (but admittedly well-crafted) to last Christmas where James had over-enthusiastically attempted to teach his entire family how to throw a forehand. By all accounts, the sarcasm of the remarks was clearly not lost on James.
Being interviewed after the event, James looked to shift the blame for his mistake, as any self-respecting receiver would do. “As I explained to my cousins, my hands were greasy from the grilled haloumi,” he remarked, a comment which was met with further derision at the time. “I’d prefer to have dropped the pull on universe at Worlds,” James said, as he stared off into the distance. “No amount of AUDL highlights can save me now; they definitely think Ultimate’s a joke”.
James said his reputation could potentially be salvaged by a layout for his baby niece if she happened to be dropped nearby, but that this seemed unlikely to happen. Until then, James estimated he’d probably cop a ribbing, including a series of slow-mo re-enactments, at the next 4-6 family functions. That is unless someone else picked up a more obscure hobby or Uncle Steve said something racist again.
*Names have been changed in this story for obvious, embarrassment related, reasons.